@TheLOLYBible: "But Lot's wife looked back as she was following behind him, and she turned into a pillar of salt, and Lot was like 'wtf' " Genesis 19:26
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@Brampersandon_: A new study finds that chicken isn't as healthy for you as once thought. "Just don't ask to see our data" clucked one feathered researcher.
@gregmania: accidentally summoned a demon at IKEA by trying to pronounce the names of the furniture
@JohnLyonTweets: Not only was my brother not mad when I backed into his Porsche, he even invited me camping and said to bring a shovel. Whew!
@citizenkawala: I wrote a Facebook status asking what's happening in Young Sheldon and then unfriended everyone who replied.