@English_Muffin: But officer, I put the phone down as soon as I saw that you saw me using it...
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@primawesome: A lady just walked into Taco Bell, dumped every hot sauce packet in her bag and left. I should follow her. What's the rest of her day like?
@Underchilde: What I bring to a relationship is pretty much the same stuff you can pick up at any hardware store.
@WheelTod: Top prank: when your friend falls asleep, place his hand in a bowl of warm water so he wakes up with one regular hand & one wrinkly one.