@BobScottCPA: But people, if you have a gift card that is all used up, do not drop it in a urinal please—it's a Big letdown to fish it out all for nothing
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@AristotlesNZ: Watching Mickey's Clubhouse with my 4yo and even he's asking why the hell would a duck like Donald need a life jacket.
@RegularFred: Wife: that's never going to work Husband: you're so negative, Sandra W: you're planting bird seeds H: LET ME GROW MY BIRDS, WOMAN
@CherBear162: I changed my car horn to gunshot sounds. People move out of the way much faster now.
@Brentweets: Twitter is like a dorm, someone is always up at every hour, someone is crying and someone is drunk.