@jwoodham: But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? / Are you still on your iPhone even though you said you were going to sleep?
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@sad_tree: *shows up to date with horse drawn carriage* "I'm so surprised!" Yes it's a terrible drawing of a carriage but he didn't have thumbs so
@Underchilde: Sorry I stuck a cheese puff in your baby’s mouth when you couldn’t find a pacifier.
@SortaBad: John: Yesterday... Paul: All my troubles seemed so far away George: But now it looks... Ringo: Waterslides hurt if they aren't wet enough
@Dutch_50: Went to dinner with a recovering alcoholic vegan who just quit smoking. Everything entering or leaving my mouth was offensive #WorstDateEver