@theshamingofjay: But your honor, she used mild cheddar cheese to make nachos
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@OhNoSheTwitnt: Apparently when a trainer asks you why you want to stay in shape and you answer "revenge" it will raise a couple eyebrows.
@Shock_Monster: I think the guy in front of me is trying to resolve the world's economic issues single handedly at this ATM.
@MatCro: [Couples therapy] WIFE: I hate the way he pronounces "food" like "feud". THERAPIST: And you, sir? ME: She's always in a bad mude.