@Rollinintheseat: Buy a ticket to Finding Dory and yell "She's right there!" every time she comes on the screen until you're escorted out of the theater.
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@justabloodygame: *Doorbell rings* *it's a regular kid* "Trick or treat!" ...and what are you supposed to be? *removes face, revealing an unending void* ＨＵＭＡＮ
@nbadag: [commercial] WOMAN: have u ever wondered what would happen if a car alarm could swim? NARRATOR: geese
@bridger_w: When I see a "How am I driving?" sticker, I want to take the driver in my arms and tell them that I too have questions about my existence