@RealDMK: Buy followers?
No thanks. I'm married so I spend enough money on people I don't talk to
@zombieparrot: Driving and trying to read twitter, I just ran over a poodle. Unfortunately I drive a Yaris. My car got a dent and the poodle got annoyed.
@FullMetalMommy: Chin up divorced people; lots of us smug married parents envy your 50/50 custody agreement.
@HousewifeOfHell: A closed mouth gathers no fries.
@Thynebear: *calls into work*
"yo boss i'm real sick"
"you don't sound sick..."
"ya, just got a new tribal tat & heelys"
"wow u do sound hella sick"
@iscoff: It's fun to chant "Bloody Mary" three times into your car's side mirror while driving at night and watch her jog to keep up