@RealDMK: Buy followers?
No thanks. I'm married so I spend enough money on people I don't talk to
@litfirebird: Hiring manager: what would you say are your greatest weaknesses?
Me: probably men with hairy knuckles. Oh, and a moist pot roast.
@echoVista: You just HAD to let snakes and spiders on the Ark, didn't you Noah? Way to go, man. Way. To. Go.
@HatfieldAnne: My long legs mean I can emerge gracefully from an SUV. After that, every step looks like I was just released from a zero gravity experiment.
@ch000ch: JUDGE: i sentence you to life in prison
MY LAWYER WHO IS A HOUSE FLY: nice that's only like 11 days
@DaddyJew: Me:I gotta go home. Im bleeding & my computers broken
Boss:looks like u just slammed ur head thru the computer screen
Me:what is this CSI?