@RealDMK: Buy followers?
No thanks. I'm married so I spend enough money on people I don't talk to
@TarzanFeathers: I would totally support the development of a 14-year after pill.
@mattZillaaaa: Starbucks needs a separate line for people who say "um"
@carlyken: [Michael Bay directing]
"WE NEED A HOTTER CHICK"
Teacher: This is your son's 3rd grade play
"Oh right. I forgot. WE NEED BIGGER EXPLOSIONS"
@MomOnFire: Son: Mom, why are you always showing up at my school on chicken nugget day?
Me: *literally salivating* Here to see you, buddy.
@_making_friends: I'm currently between relationships.
The couple on my right are kissing and I think the couple on my left are about to start doing it.