@RealDMK: Buy followers?
No thanks. I'm married so I spend enough money on people I don't talk to
@dave_cactus: [Grade 6]
TEACHER: You can't end a sentence with a preposition.
ME: You just did.
ME: Ended a sentence with "a preposition."
@LoveNLunchmeat: I really need to go on the show Survivor. Not for the money or the fame. It's just the only way I'm ever gonna effectively lose weight.
@shot_of_cabo: I realized she might be too young when I asked her the time..
And she said..
"The big hand is on the...."
@chadopitz: Tom Cruise does all of his own stunts because death is the only way out of the Church of Scientology.
@man_in_radiator: My neighbor upstairs bought a new treadmill and I accidentally just shot five holes in my ceiling.