@PJTLynch: Buy your kids a tortoise. Then when you're elderly, they'll already have 40 years' experience feeding & loving something that barely moves
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@Sassafrantz: My boss at Walmart said I have to stop Febreezing the homeless and that they aren't homeless, they're customers.
@5hael: All I need to know about you is defined by whether you ask for a cup or a cone when ordering ice cream
@CakeThrottle: I still remember the first time I lied about being able to time travel. It was tomorrow.