@PJTLynch: Buy your kids a tortoise. Then when you're elderly, they'll already have 40 years' experience feeding & loving something that barely moves
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@truegritrumble: HER: You look so nervous. ME: *nervously* HA. I'm never nervous. HER: You're sweating. ME: *just freaking out* That's bravery moisture.
@fro_vo: MAGICIAN: i will now make my assistant disappear ASSISTANT: *covers eyes with hands* AUDIENCE FULL OF BABIES: *gasp with wonder and delight*
@OutOnTheMoors: Having persuaded autocorrect that I don't want to duck anything, I hope the council don't take my complaint about the pond the wrong way.
@Maxine12333: If ex asks you to go bungee jumping remember, cord goes around feet not neck, no matter what they tell you.