@Gott_Partikel: Buying a life insurance policy is best way to pretend that you have a life.
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@shopkins776: With all due respect to the Spice Girls. If you're gonna be my lover, I would prefer it if you didn't get with my friends
@Just__J0: [Text] 18: This Hotel wants me to pay for Wi-Fi?! Me: You do know someone pays for Wi-Fi at home too, right?
@Dawn_M_: Show him you care by setting his house on fire so he will have to move in with you and never be lonely again.
@jordan_stratton: Pretty sure California's water crisis could have been solved with the number of dropped ice cubes that I've lazily kicked under the fridge.