@Gott_Partikel: Buying a life insurance policy is best way to pretend that you have a life.
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@fro_vo: "Does your dad play any sports?" "No, my dad hates sports" *dad walks in* "Hey there, Sport"
@CherBear162: Hi..You've reached my voicemail. I could come to the phone right now but I saw your name on caller ID so leave a message..or not.
@1CleverClogs: My diet plan is just watching my 400 pound coworker lick her lips and sweat as she describes her dinner from last night.
@MollyERA: DON'T TELL ME THAT PLANTS MAKING THEIR OWN FOOD ISNT AMAZING. THATS LIKE YOU GOING TO TACO BELL BUT THE TACOS WERE INSIDE YOU THE WHOLE TIME