@Gott_Partikel: Buying a life insurance policy is best way to pretend that you have a life.
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@Adar79Angie: You girls are so cute, talking about crumbs in your bra. I found a missing hiker in mine.
@Abusitron: Waitress: "Enjoy your meal" Patron: "you too" Patron: 'why did I say that?' Waitress: [being force-fed the 6th plate of food of her shift]
@dave_cactus: HER: Are you free Friday night? ME: Let me check my colander. HER: Your... ME: *checking* Nope, sorry, I'll be making spaghetti.
@evildadatron: Maybe the Loch Ness Monster is really just giraffes that don't want people to know they like to swim YOU DON'T KNOW