@Kid_topher: Buzzfeed: 9 Ways to Know You're Dating a Real Woman and Not a Burrito
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@NoogsCorner: Cop: You been drinking?nnMe: No.nnCop: Say the alphabet backwards.nnMe: Alphabet the. nnCop: Hilarious. Say each letter.nnMe: Each letter.
@GABBYdaAngSaya: [After reading vows] Me: Why are you upset? Her: Me: Was it the Donald- Her: Yes, it was the Donald Duck voice.
@Ideal_Victoria: Friend: I'm surprised to see you eating a salad. Me: *empties bag of chocolate chips over it*