@Kid_topher: Buzzfeed: 9 Ways to Know You're Dating a Real Woman and Not a Burrito
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@Brianhopecomedy: On my 5 year old's report card it said, "He is encouraged to ask more questions". ARE YOU KIDDING ME.
@InternetHippo: SCIENTISTS: We've discovered a massive black hole with no obvious qualities ME: Ok wow I'm right here
@_The_Man__: I replaced the glass in my bathroom windows so the tree outside can see exactly what I do with toilet paper. You know what paper is? I yell
@jngraphs: Another normal evening Cook food - 30 minutes Eat it - 5 minutes Check Facebook - 1 minute Check Twitter - 8 hours