@Kid_topher: Buzzfeed: 9 Ways to Know You're Dating a Real Woman and Not a Burrito
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@Dr_awfulpants: Congratulations on "obtaining" your yellow belt. If we're ever attacked by 3 pieces of wood being held together, you're in charge.
@Jtweeters: If you love someone, set them free. If they return... something, something, Justin Bieber's a lesbian.
@flaskofwhiskeyy: My friend told me to let loose and be reckless today so I walked really fast with a bowl full of hot soup.
@robfee: No matter how lazy you feel, just remember that Goldilocks decided to take a nap during a b&e.