@PJTLynch: By 5, the human child can walk and feed itself, but doesn't yet stray from home, as it relies on parents for tablet charging and maintenance
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@NicestHippo: People already feel judged in public but what if they also had the same awful feeling in private? GUY WHO INVENTED RELIGION: I have an idea
@SamuelHLowe: - We buried my mother-in-law yesterday. - Sorry to hear that. When did she die? - My guess would be sometime this morning.
@matt_simpson84: Relationship status: went to buy condoms and the cashier just said "yeah right" and put em back on the shelf