@Black__Elvis: By a show of hands, who has hands? Sit down Leonard, you're a seahorse.
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@Tmoney68: Son: When did u know you were old? Me: When I started saying 'congratulations' to friends who said they were pregnant instead of 'oh shit.'
@hurlarious: Why doesn't every mistake in real life I make have a squiggly red line underneath it?
@DanMentos: "So you met the victim on tinder" Yes "Do you often meet women on tinder"? Yeah I've been murdering it on there *lawyer puts head in hands*