@TJ_Whitehead: By my calculations, I've spent approximately $39 throughout my life to watch bananas turn brown on my kitchen table
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@SirEviscerate: Me: I'm having a problem with my computer: IT guy: Have you tried punching it? Me: That's the first thing I tried. I'm not an idiot.
@Procaffinator: Its probably time to clean the microwave when you heat coffee and it comes out smelling like a burrito.
@WendyLiebman: For Halloween my husband asked me to dress up as a nurse, cause that's one of his fantasies: That we have health care.
@RoosterMustache: God: make alcohol really fun Angel: haha ok God: but it makes them stupid Angel: i dont know if- God: and if they have too much they die