@YUCKYBOT: "By night's end, one of these teams will be the victor." Thank you for that breakdown, Bob Costas. I was worried they might all die instead.
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@Fred_Delicious: [goes to museum of fine art] "Just how fine can this art be, anyway" [sees a vase in a thong] "oh damn"
@DaddyJew: Son: you have a gray hair Me: it's a badge of honor Son: *looks at head* whoa, you're like some sort of super soldier Me: go to your room
@1Happytwit: You don't need to use your words if you're carrying a machete. People just seem to figure it out.
@msdanifernandez: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy. There's vomit on his sweater already. WebMD: TYPHOID FEVER