@YUCKYBOT: "By night's end, one of these teams will be the victor." Thank you for that breakdown, Bob Costas. I was worried they might all die instead.
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@Lisa_Laughs_: Some apples don't fall far from the tree, BUT other apples catch a good roll and keep rolling...and rolling...and rolling..
@birbigs: Instead of presents, give your kids "presence." Then explain how homonyms can be hilarious. Then leave forever.
@XplodingUnicorn: Pregnant wife: Are you going to be a good big sister? 3-year-old: Babies are jerks.
@WoodyLuvsCoffee: Overheard 2 dad's at the playground wondering if my kid was as creepy as me. Joke's on them. I don't have kids.