@NikiWithIssues: By the power vested in me by my credit card, I now pronounce you my new fluffy hat. You may now hug my head.
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@nice_mustard: before mcdonald's i bet "don't buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule
@JohnLyonTweets: "Disney movies promote false images of the friendliness of woodland creatures," I mutter after each rabies shot.
@Man_Ona_Ledge: How's adulting going for me today u ask? Well,I just spend 20 minutes looking for my phone in my car While using my phone as a flashlight.
@reczit: Eighty seven percent of single people are single because they don't want to share their pizza with anyone.