@DadBeard: By the time my father was my age he had amassed, like, 30 coffee cans full of screws. I have none. What have I done with my life?
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@causticbob: Be careful when online dating, if someone describes themselves as outdoorsy, they might just be homeless.
@JediGigi: Me: Has anyone ever told you that you look like Ryan Gosling? Him: Me? No, but thank- Me: Ok just making sure.
@BridgetPhetasy: In Hell, all of your Google searches post directly to your social media accounts.