@DadBeard: By the time my father was my age he had amassed, like, 30 coffee cans full of screws. I have none. What have I done with my life?
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@hansabumsadaisy: #rubbishjokes How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb? None - it's a hardware problem.
@Glittery_Love: I need your fingers, rubbing me hard, circling around my red swollen ...mosquito bite. What did YOU think I'm talking about? Weirdos!!
@SteveSuckington: Good cop: license and registration please Perp: I'm sorry was I speeding Dad Cop: hi sorry was I speeding, I'm dad.
@NiceLittleWife: When I go to Victoria's Secret, I just throw things on the floor to see how they'll really look.