@DadBeard: By the time my father was my age he had amassed, like, 30 coffee cans full of screws. I have none. What have I done with my life?
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@SortaBad: Just finished my book about how to get laid at bars. It's called The Girl With the Lower-Back Tattoo.
@PoliticallyILL1: I'm sick of closing out every job interview with "I was young. I needed the money."
@huntigula: GUY: are u doing the mannequin challenge? ME: [standing perfectly still w/ awkward facial expression] no this is just how I am around people