@WilliamAder: By the time someone says something in the meeting worth writing down, I've likely already taken my pen apart and lost the spring.
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@ArfMeasures: [During sex] GF: I meant to ask before, but you took the test, right? ME: Yes GF: Oh thank God ME: Apparently I'm most like Chandler
@AmishPornStar1: Being attacked by a shark is frightening enough... But it's even more terrifying when you notice he also has a big cold sore on his lip.
@sad_tree: Snake: eat that apple Adam:nah S:u scared A:no S:lol u scared A: *eats apple* S: whoa I didnt thnk u would do it lol sick now eat that poop