@ArfMeasures: [During sex]
GF: I meant to ask before, but you took the test, right?
ME: Yes
GF: Oh thank God
ME: Apparently I'm most like Chandler
@AmishPornStar1: Being attacked by a shark is frightening enough...
But it's even more terrifying when you notice he also has a big cold sore on his lip.
@stockejock: Why didn't they just call the Selfie Stick a NarcissiStick?
@sad_tree: Snake: eat that apple
Adam:nah
S:u scared
A:no
S:lol u scared
A:
*eats apple*
S: whoa I didnt thnk u would do it lol sick now eat that poop
@slimmy_shady: Hot girls who complain that you can't get laid... do you live on a deserted island?
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