@jeffswarens: By the volume of the pans clanging in the kitchen. I think I'm supposed to go volunteer to help with something
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@Jaysmemoir: My 6yo's homework today is learning how to count backwards. Yep that teacher knows about DUIs alright!
@Coolisiana: I bet nobody noticed Superman flying around at first, so Clark just started pointing out every bird and plane until it caught on
@WilliamAder: Me: Haven't shaved for two days. Do I look like McDreamy? Wife: You look like McHomeless.
@QwertyJones3: GUY ABOUT TO MURDER ME: What are you doing ME: I'm naming you godfather to my kids. Now you get them if anything happens to me GUY: DAMMIT