@Gooooats: By this time of year baby Jesus was probably already totally sick of playing with his frankincense.
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@sad_tree: *sees guy dressed as ghost for Halloween* Hey buddy thats not funny, my grandma is a ghost
@ramenfuneral: "how about an animal that looks like a cross between a horse and a barcode" - creator of zebras
@Nickadoo: "I just died in your arms" sounds much more romantic than "You're holding a dead body."
@Amburglar_: When asked by the creepy guy at the bar "Why aren't you smiling?" my go-to answer is always "My yeast infection really is bubbling up."