@Gre_Gone: *caches football thrown from off screen* "Are you having problems with slow interne*video starts buffering*
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@misfarber: [fraud trial] Lawyer: is it true these numbers are all fake? Defendant: no-- they all actually exist Judge: lol owned *high-5s defendant*
@Bearslietoo: Saw a squirrel get hit by a car earlier.Felt kinda bad,but I don't think the squirrel gave a shit that the Smart Car was totaled.
@coketruck76: Pal: That's an impressive stingray. How'd you catch it? Me:*flashes back to being dressed as girl stingray* You know, the regular way.
@Lisa_Laughs_: He shouldn't have died so young, but he also shouldn't have cut the grass at 7:30 am on a Sunday. (I'm writing my neighbors obituary)