@TheTweetOfGod: Call Me crazy, but the ideal number of times a Pope should have once been a member of the Nazi Youth is zero.
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@simoncholland: I'm sorry you're breaking up [static sound] I'm about to go through a tunnel. Dad, we're right in front of you Uh..... go ask your mom.
@itshotterhere: Apparently, if you jump out of a plane wearing parachute pants, it doesn't break your fall at all. But you can carry about a hundred combs.
@UnicornSyrup: I put my phone in "airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. It just fell and now my screen is cracked. Worst. Transformer. Ever .
@WheelTod: [Hospital] Me:How's my dad? Dr:I'm afraid he's in critical condition *shout from inside room "You've never lived to up to your potential!"