@K_Chapacabra: Call me faithless, but I just can't believe three guys would travel that far on camels to throw a baby shower.
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@DaHess1: I want to see a pregnancy test commercial where 2 single people high five the shit out of each other because it's negative.
@bitchofficially: I'm gonna start a woman's monthly magazine called "Period", and some months I will send it out late to freak out subscribers
@iamspacegirl: "And then the Bears mauled Goldilocks to death and ate her, reminding us that home invasion never has a happy ending."
@SharpeBytes: A customer just told me that it takes a 14 mile run to work off 1 Oreo. Don't worry she's dead now