@Reverend_Scott: Call me old fashioned, but I think any woman that can open the lid of a jar by herself is a witch.
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@MrGynosaur: Sprinklers are just little heads looking around for their friends but they can't find them so they cry
@jdforshort: If you need me, I'll be in the bathroom I guess it's finally time to shave my legs for spring *Walks away with hedge trimmers
@rachelle_mandik: ME: Hi, come get me. This house is weird and someone is snoring. MOM: Honey, for the last time you're not at a sleepover. You're married.