@Reverend_Scott: Call me old fashioned, but I think any woman that can open the lid of a jar by herself is a witch.
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@a_olivia4212: A recent study has found that woman who carry little extra weight live longer then the man who mention it
@duplicitron: Hey lady I have bad news for you someone thought your hair was noodles and left their chopsticks in it.
@TheRolo: [Dollar Store Interview] "What are your qualifications?" [Slides over a dollar] "Cashier job is yours" [Slides $2] "Welcome to Management"
@lazerdoov: *bursts into starbucks* Me: DO YOU GUYS HAVE A POWER OUTLET Barista: yeah over there Me: oh thank god *plugs in a mechanical bull*