@JermHimselfish: Call me old fashioned, but I'm dying of smallpox.
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@bridger_w: My greatest fear about not having children is that I might miss out on certain life experiences, such as getting caught in a bitter custody battle
@birbigs: "You're joking about calling it Good Friday, right? I told you the part about the nails?" -Jesus
@david8hughes: [in church] "And Jesus, our saviour, died on the cross for your sins." [vicar points directly at me & entire congregation collectively nods]
@Brianhopecomedy: My 3 year old is singing the rare 19 hour version of "Let It Go", using only 3 words.