@LurkAtHomeMom: Called Comcast to see about dropping my service and long story short, If anyone wants to watch Showtime, call me on one of my 36 landlines.
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@batkaren: ME: I give you all my love and infection. HIM: Um. Don't you mean love and 'affection'? ME: ... HIM: ... ME: You should get tested.
@LeBearGirdle: [invents time machine and goes back to the dinosaurs] "in a few years its gonna be really cold" *hands them mixtape* "you're gone need this"
@astutenewf: When I'm bored, I like to superglue Doritos to my cat and make it run around the house like a stegosaurus.
@trojansauce: LOIS LANE: *pulls back from kissing* clark your glasses are hurting my nose can you take them off CLARK KENT: no