@Vice_Queen: Calling bullshit on movies. Not once have I walked into a public restroom and found a gun taped to the back of the toilet.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@Breadery: *Approaches girl at bar* Brain: Say you like her eyes. No, hair. Actually, go for eyes! Me: You have lovely hairy eyes Brain: My bad.
@JohnLyonTweets: Thanks for telling me this is your "pet cat" because otherwise I might have thought it was your business associate cat.
@HeyZeus666: I turned off Auto-Correct for the first time, and now my new girlfriend thinks she has a face that launched a 1000 shits.