@KKAlThani: Calm down girls, it's Starbucks. They sell coffee, not unicorn blood.
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@anbrll00: Dr: Your Mom is like regular moms except we lost her in surgery. Me: Did you just use a joke format to tell me my mom died Dr: yep
@withanewname: *moves heaven & earth for her* *moves more left *more left *little right *little more right *moves heaven & earth back to original spot*
@GrowlyGrego: "Bear with me for a minute." - Russian guy providing an airtight alibi for his criminal bear friend.
@Laser_Cat: A fun prank to pull on a neighbor is to introduce a species of invasive grass into his lawn.