@The_Perturbator: Calm down, Norway.
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@rad_milk: I dropped a piece of cheese on the airplane and i know it rolled forward and some piece of shit in first class is enjoying it now
@TrueTorontoGirl: I just witnessed an employee choking on her noodles and now I feel sorry for her husband.
@internetluke: [on phone with mom] SHE SAID YES!!!! "congrats, son" I asked her if she thought I was weird "Wait what?" She thinks I'm weird. We broke up
@TheTweetOfGod: Confession: the entire time when I was forming the earth, I was using asteroids.