@writerPT: Calm down, people on FB who ran the Detroit marathon. I'd be running a shit load too if I were in Detroit.
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@david8hughes: [at the mall] "I've lost my son. Can you make an announcement for me?" "Sure, what's his name?" "Xander." "See, that's why he ran off."
@MoistPork: There's no "I" in meat, but there's "me" and "eat", and I don't know how vegans can argue with that logic.
@Playing_Dad: Me: Wanna hear a joke? Dog: sure Me: Knock knock *dog goes crazy barking at the door*
@FunkyFresh_79: [on a first date] Ok, don't let her know you're really a squirrel... Her: I had a great time, good night! Me: *runs in front of her car