@writerPT: Calm down, people on FB who ran the Detroit marathon. I'd be running a shit load too if I were in Detroit.
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@ItsAndyRyan: Me: I dreamed my teacher is making me read out endless values of π Psychiatrist: Is it recurring? Me: Not as far as anyone can tell
@KattWillFerrell: DOG: I think that job interview went well! *looks in mirror and sees ear was inside-out the whole time* Son of a
@ilovepie84: Somebody should tell Forrest Gump that on the back of the box of chocolates it tells you exactly what you're going to get.
@TheTweetOfGod: The Apple Watch may become so addictive it keeps people from looking at what's truly important in life, like their iPhones.