@KateWhineHall: I just shaved my legs. I think I lost three pounds.

@MarlonBrandNO: Oceanography is all about current events

@topaz_kell: [getting murdered] Me: "Could you please stop for a second?" *gives murderer a Snickers

@tehviking: God grant me the dgaf to lol at the things I can’t even, the swag to yolo the things I can, and the lifehacks to know the difference

@WheelTod: [Date] Him: I don't trust myself round you Her(flirting): Oh, stop Him: I bought an iPad on your credit card when you were in the restroom