@Crunch11b: Calm down white moms on dish detergent commercials, no wife is EVER that excited about dishes. Ever.
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@Huber138: Me: Would you like to be a model? Her: yes Me: are you comfortable with nudity? Her: Sure Me:
@TheTweetOfGod: I am not a parody account. I am The Lord thy God, King of the Universe, and I am communicating by Twitter because My fax is broken.
@jergarl: [on phone with debit fraud] Bank guy: Sir do you shop on line at all Me: DUDE IT'S 2017 WE BUY TOILET PAPER ONLINE BG: M: Sometimes. Yes