@Brianhopecomedy: Came back from the doctor and told my wife that I was perfectly healthy and I could've sworn she mouthed the word "crap".
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@ghostkrogh: alladin: do u trust me jasmine: i've only known you for 2 hours a: so u don't wanna jump off this rooftop j: lemme ask my tiger first
@LoveNLunchmeat: "Sorry, but none of my clothes fit today." My date nods, and politely avoids looking at my towel and safety pins.
@tastefactory: COP: Damn I left my regular handcuffs at home, all I have is these candy handcuffs. I trust that u won't eat ur way out of these CROOK: Sure