@Brianhopecomedy: Came back from the doctor and told my wife that I was perfectly healthy and I could've sworn she mouthed the word "crap".
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@PortRooster: Moon: Yo, Earth! Constant revolution?! Why so angry? Earth: You just don't understand the gravity of the situation. Sun: Oooh... Burn!!!
@Crunk_Jews: You can tell a lot about a person by what they're willing to do during conjugal visits.