@desi_princess: Can any of you read your Chinese food bill? Looks like they charged me for a chicken lo-mein, a python, Africa, and a diet Coke.
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@hbombmom: Friendly parenting reminder - as the weather starts to get nicer, don't forget to close the windows before you yell at your kids.
@matt___nelson: Narrator: "Humans are the product of 4.54 billion years of evolution" [cut to me pressing harder on remote control when batteries are dead]
@wineoclock39: Sometimes I shock myself with smart things I say. Other times, I struggle to get out of my car with the seatbelt on.
@werehedgehog: When your baby cries, don't feed it. That's just what it expects you to do. You have to outsmart it.