@desi_princess: Can any of you read your Chinese food bill? Looks like they charged me for a chicken lo-mein, a python, Africa, and a diet Coke.
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@sixfootcandy: Avoid being invited back to a party by showing up with a 25-gallon jug of lube and a box of rubber gloves.
@AJslackie2: *Lexus dealership* Sales person: if you buy a new Lexus we will make the first months payment Me: so who makes the other 59 payments?
@david8hughes: [batteries in my TV remote die for the first time since I bought it 4 years ago] "Useless piece of shit."
@Phook75: Whenever my neighbor looks like they want to speak to me. I collapse to the ground motionless as if I were one of Andy's toys.