@joeljeffrey: Can someone call me right now? I'm at the dog park and my ringtone is a doorbell.
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@tbhjuststop: actors kiss each other for like 10 seasons and don't fall in love but when someone holds the door for me i think about it for like 5 months
@oakhillbargrill: Pillow 1: I hate their big heads Pillow 2: And that dandruff Pillow 1: Sometimes he puts me between his legs Pillow 2: GROSS *Pillow Talk
@BoomBoomBetty: Me: I pull a sword from my forehead Nerd: Not realistic M: so dungeons and dragons are real? N: ... M: so, I pull a sword from my forehead
@dafloydsta: A hangover so good you crawl out of the bedroom naked and sleep for 6 more hours on the kitchen floor.