@pizzajaynow: Can someone help me figure out how much water I need to add to this baby powder in order to make a baby?
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@MensHumor: Halloween is, by far, the safest day to kill a person and leave them in a chair on your porch.
@AristotlesNZ: Me: I cant tell you how to do everything. You need to figure out how to do things on your own 5yo: Ok Me:. 5yo:. Me:. 5yo: How do I do that?
@mattZillaaaa: "911, what is your emergency?" Yes I can't hear my television "Sir, this is not an emer-" Someone keeps screaming "HELP ME!!" next door
@foursquids: Can't believe people still say "pot" it's not the 70s anymore we call it "saucepan" now