@pizzajaynow: Can someone help me figure out how much water I need to add to this baby powder in order to make a baby?
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@JohnLyonTweets: Went on blind date, woke up in bathtub with kidney gone. 6 out of 10, would date again.
@SkinnerSteven: 🎶 I'm a cat, boy / in a sealed box I hide / I'm Wanted / dead and alive! - Bon Schröedi
@InternetHippo: What should we call this giant advertising board? PHIL: A philboard BILL: I have a better idea
@caperbc75: Do you think the guy responsible for squirting water in NFL players' mouths has "rehydration specialist" listed on his LinkedIn profile?