@robfee: Can someone tell me the exact crime I need to commit to get put on house arrest because legally having to cancel plans sounds incredible.
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@XplodingUnicorn: My 3-year-old dumped pudding in her pocket. Novice dad reaction: "You ruined your pants." Veteran dad: "Thank God. I thought it was poop."
@LOUD_Thoughts_: I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.
@bazecraze: It's only been a few days, but I'm starting to forget everything I knew about Mitch Romley.
@nerdreign: When runner-ups in reality shows say, "I may not have won but I'm still a winner," do they understand how language and/or competition works?