@HowToBeADad: Can you die from sitting on the floor to play with your kid, because I just tried to get up and it feels like you can die from it.
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@DoogieHorner: Dogs are "practice babies" and cats are "practice ex-girlfriends you still have to share an apartment with."
@AimeeHelene1: They should make fortune cookies with more obtainable fortunes: You will vacuum the living room. You will run into the coffee table.
@Browtweaten: Me: You said everything in here was edible Willy Wonka: Yes, but- Me: *takes another bite of Oompa Loompa* Tastes like a circus peanut