@PaperWash: Can you imagine getting the girl of dream's phone number and her first text to you she spells it "defantely"
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@TheRolo: Customer: Excuse me, are you the manager? Those Xmas Hams are expired Manager: Um... [changes sign to "Vintage Hams"] Hipster: I'll take 4
@NikiWithIssues: I'm just a girl, standing in front of a boy, blocking the tv and getting him shot on Call of Duty.
@foodfacenow: Me:*shows up to 1st date with giraffe* Her: OMG, can this date get any better Me:*pulls out saddle* You bet giraffe it can
@joeljeffrey: [buying treadmill] Me: Can I try it out first? Salesperson: Sure Me: (pulls out laundry basket and hangs wet clothes on it) I like it.