@PaperWash: Can you imagine getting the girl of dream's phone number and her first text to you she spells it "defantely"
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@swiftenhaal: Sometimes I wonder how vegans can survive off what little they can eat and then I remember they just feed off attention.
@Ygrene: Know why I pulled you over? "No sir" 1987, 7-11 on Main, you paid for Coke but filled your cup with Slurpee. We gotcha. We finally gotcha
@JohnLyonTweets: My niece likes movies about talking animals so I bought her something called The Human Centipede. Sounds cute.