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@OfficeofSteve: Can you write off a divorce as a home improvement expense
@vikkaroni: 99 times out of ten, I'm making shit up.
@TeaAndCopy: MAKE Easter easier by replacing the 't' with an 'i'.
@causticbob: There are 4 stages in life
1)You believe in Santa Claus
2)You don't believe in Santa Claus
3)You are Santa Claus
4)You look like Santa Claus
@OneFunnyMummy: Before kids: I'd choose going blind over going deaf.
After kids: Deaf! I wanna be deaf!
@shegotagronk: It's fine when Santa does it, but when I see you when you're sleeping & know when you're awake it's "creepy" and "sir, you're under arrest"