@BaldyLockzz: Canadian whiskey is just whiskey that apologizes for your hangover in the morning
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@SondraDeeMe: I'm sorry I showed you snaps from my colonoscopy after you made me look at your ultrasound. I thought we were sharing pics of our innards.
@iwearaonesie: wife *feels bad for feeding the kids chicken nuggets 3 times this week* kids: THIS IS THE BEST WEEK OF OUR LIVES!
@AmericanGent69: *security rushes to the department store fitting room to break up a fight but just finds me trying to squeeze into a pair of jeans.
@ValeeGrrl: Me: *slowly unzips footed jammies* Him: Heyyy...you uh...wanna fool around? Me: What? No, I just lost an M&M in my onesie