@TheBoydP: Canadians leaving south for vacation are like Americans escaping marriage, desperately trying to escape frigid temperatures...
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@MeganBaca1: Sitting behind a couple in this theater that's making out. I'm gonna lean forward and whisper "This is nice" in a minute.
@DrDogMD: [During surgery] DR DOG: Suction please. NURSE: But there's no bleeding. DR DOG: I know *drooling* but just look at that liver!
@notalogin: Did you ask her out? Yes. And? She only dates guys named Matt. Cause she likes to walk all over them? No, tattoo she can't afford to remove.