@bigmacher: Candy canes are the perfect treat. They are minty & put you into the holiday spirit & can easily be fashioned into a shank.
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@sarcasm_inc: Me: I'm hot blooded check it and see got a fever of 103! 911: Did u call earlier about having a bad case of loving me? M: maybe 911: stop
@figgled: TO MY SECRET ADMIRER: thank u for the flowers!! You accidentally had them sent next door & the card says 'Penelope' but it's ok I love them😍
@TheBeerGuy73: I'm at my most Ninja Turtle when I remove a manhole cover & jump into the sewers to avoid making eye contact with someone I know in public.
@dshack8: Usain Bolt doesn't know shit bout speed compared to a parent putting their hand over their kids mouth when they see someone w/ an eye patch.