@MarkAgee: Candy corn is the rare candy that's worse than than the vegetable it's based on.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@SarahAMoulton: I bet when humans 1st learned to eat there were a lot of mishaps. "Just tried the sand, Betty, probably a 2 out of 10. Don't eat the sand."
@murrman5: *holds up 2 ties* which one, I have a big meeting today "both are nice" [wife calls later] "how'd it go" well, wearing 2 ties was a disaster
@ElKnuckelhombre: Wife: Have you seen my curling iron? Me: ...umm, are you talking about the hotdog bun warmer? Wife: ... Me: No, I have not seen it.
@vineyille: FBI: I can’t unlock my phone Genius: is that a fake mustache over your mustache? FBI into earpiece: Operation Twostache has been compromised