@ClaytonSykes: Candy Crushers keep inboxing me saying that they need "lives" as if I didn't already know that.
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@NotthatAdamWest: Saw a bumper sticker that said 'Jesus is the answer.' Two cars later I saw one that said 'Who farted?' Best game of Highway Jeopardy ever.
@Jake_Vig: Picture someone you think is kinda/sorta attractive. Now picture them holding a pizza box.
@Parkerlawyer: Client, "I should have known this marriage was going to fail when he hid my engagement ring in a gas station taquito."
@bad_as_you_want: My boss said , "Dress for the job you want, not the job you have." Now I'm sitting in a disciplinary meeting wearing my wonder woman costume