@ClaytonSykes: Candy Crushers keep inboxing me saying that they need "lives" as if I didn't already know that.
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@eddiesteadyno: A fondue party... But instead of bread, it's more cheese. And instead of people, it's even more cheese.
@MrGeorgeWallace: Why do football players only dance when good shit happens? Just once I wanna see a QB throw an interception & do a sad, interpretive dance.
@UGotMeRight: The boss said I need to be more of a team player, so I rounded up all my coworkers & we kicked his ass.
@Jake_Vig: HER: [walks in wearing lingerie] See anything you like? ME: I don’t think that will fit me.