@Zombieionism: Cannibals are so full of themselves and other people
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@MarlonBrandNO: [Trapped on a Island] *Message in a bottle* "Please send help!" *Gets message back, months later* "Linda invited you to play Candy Crush"
@ginzyj1983: People who automatically say it will get better without actually knowing what the problem is... is why there are bodies buried in my yard
@alfageeek: Fun fact: if you say “I did the math,” nobody argues with you because they don't want to have to redo the math themselves.