@weinerdog4life: Can't afford a cat? Duct tape 3 squirrels together, next question
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@cowyfwame: I just don't understand why Flo from Progressive needs to have an apron on to sell car insurance.
@dave_cactus: ME: Sorry I'm late, I had computer problems. BOSS: Hard drive? ME: Nah, there was no traffic, just the computer problems.
@Xalqee: You know you're an Alcoholic when you can't even say the word "sober" without making air quotes