@shelbyfero: "Can't argue with that!" he said, pointing to an inanimate object.
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@Kyle_Lippert: "How'd you die?" "I got shot trying to save my fellow soldiers lives in war. You?" "I got trampled trying to save on a flat screen" "Oh.."
@revengeofAA: The check engine light could be more specific...is it 'holy shit stop the car right now' or 'proceed with caution for the next 6000 miles'?
@XplodingUnicorn: Pregnant wife: Are you going to be a good big sister? 3-year-old: Babies are jerks.