@NathanBgood: "Can't beat fresh apple pie" she says, setting 1 down. I slam my fist into it. 3rd degree burns. "Wrong" I whisper 4 hrs later in the ER.
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@TheMichaelRock: It feels like Obama's been on tour longer than The Rolling Stones.
@infinitesimull: Please insert your card Do not remove card Do not remove card Do not re-- REMOVE CARD NOW! REMOVE IT NOW! OH MY GOD ARE YOU CRAZY GET IT OU
@GensPlace: I was ringing this 0800 number for two days before I realised it was their opening hours.
@deardilettante: Dating me is like a walk in the park - Jurassic Park.
@iamburtjarvis: "911, what's the emergency?" we were robbed. they stole the wireless router "calm down" also they shot my grandma or something. not sure
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