@NathanBgood: "Can't beat fresh apple pie" she says, setting 1 down. I slam my fist into it. 3rd degree burns. "Wrong" I whisper 4 hrs later in the ER.
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@SoulYodeler: She's a cosmetologist, bro. Astronaut stuff.
@SteveKoehler22: Blonde in laundromat asks to have a sweater cleaned. Attendant : "Come again ?" ( not hearing ) Blonde: "Nope, Just mustard this time"
@SocialExtortion: Hey, not too bad I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I know mom I love you too Ok, bye -phone convos with mom
@david8hughes: [steps off treadmill] "Hey girl [out of breath, hands on knee] you like f-fitness? Cos I'm fitn--" "Shall I call an ambulance?" "Please."
@_b1p0larbear: Daughter 7 catches spiders, puts them in jars to make them fight, then releases the victor. I don't know whether to be impressed or scared.
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