@GreenishDuck: Can't believe a woman would grow a life inside of her for 9 months and then name it Ian.
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@apok842: It was a sad day when I discovered my Universal Remote Control did not, in fact, control the Universe. Not even remotely.
@Kendragarden: My neighbor said "nice skirt" so I said, "thanks, it helps me not blast Miley Cyrus at 6 in the morning, you should borrow it sometime."
@TragicAllyHere: My son was crying and asked, "why doesn't the dog have to wear pants?" And it's like, I don't even know. So now I'm putting pants on a dog.
@Carbosly: There is no life on earth without water.nBecause without water, there is no coffee.nAnd without coffee, I'll kill you all.