@GreenishDuck: Can't believe a woman would grow a life inside of her for 9 months and then name it Ian.
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@Reverend_Scott: Noah: An ark? Full of animals?? God: ... Noah: You even listening?? God: Sorry what? I was checking out the iPhone 6. This thing is garbage.
@CassandrasJack: I call bullshit on dogs being mans best friend. That little m'effer didn't lift a paw when I moved. Not him or all his little friends
@TheAlexP: Her: How'd you get those weird scars on your arm? *remembers wrestling kid for last piece of birthday cake & getting sporked* Rattle snake