@aedison: Can't believe I'm still writing "-oslovakian" on all my Czechs.
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@That_Damn_Duck: I think sex is probably the best stress reliever, but I haven’t beaten anyone with a baseball bat before, so I can’t be 100% sure.
@ryan9billion: I liked watching squirrel soap operas unfold in my backyard right up until the damn neighbor cat murdered all the actors.
@LuvPug: My son- Can I have ice cream? Me- No, it's breakfast Him-The dog just pooped in the living room Me-Clean it up & you can have some ice cream
@QwertyJones3: Wife: He's your son! Me: So you say! But I don't... *Kid dances across the room to the Benny Hill theme song* Me: ...ok fine he's my son.